An Kreyol: Depi moun rankontre’m yo toujou mande’m kisa mwen vle. Kisa Paola vle? Paola vle al tout kote. Li vle al rankontre tout moun ki ap fè yon bagay pozitif pou peyi yo, pou pitit yo, pou frè ak sè yo, pou libète e pou lanmou. Li vle koze avek moun ki bal kouraj pou’l viv ! Li vle moun sòti nan mantalite esklavaj la. Ann koze, ann pale, ann vanse. Fòk nouvel jenerasyon sa vi’n ansanm pou nou ka fè chanjman. Epi, that’s it.
En Français: On me demande toujours ce que je veux. Qu’est ce que Paola veut ? Elle veut voyager partout. Elle veut rencontrer les gens qui font des choses positives pour leurs pays, leurs enfants, leurs frères et sœurs, pour la liberté et pour l’amour. Elle veut parler avec les gens qui donnent le courage de vivre! Elle veut qu’on sorte de la mentalité d’esclavage. Allons discuter, allons parler, allons avancer. Il faut que la nouvelle génération se réunisse pour faire un changement. Epi, that’s it.
In English: People always ask me what I want. What does Paola want? She wants to go everywhere, to meet anyone who is doing something positive for their country, their children, their brothers and sisters for freedom and for love. She wants to talk to people who give her the courage to live! She wants people to leave the slave mentality. Let’s discuss, let’s talk, and let’s step forward. The new generation has to come together for a change. Epi, that’s it.
My story? Here’s a snippet…
My name is Paola, and I am from Haiti. Petion-ville, Haiti to be exact. I have been living in the U.S. for over a decade, and every year, I feel closer to Haiti than I have ever felt when I lived there. Everyday, I think of the life I had there, and how much of it I miss. I think about the people, the economic state, the art, the music, the city, the history, and the deserted mountain tops. I think about the stories I used to listen to in the dark whenever there was a blackout. I think about the “Tim tim? Bwa sech” jokes we used to repeat in soft candlelight. I think about how beautiful it used to look during Christmas when I glanced outside, and the entire street was populated with street vendors and their candles and lamps over their merchandise. The street at 11:00 pm was transformed into a giant christmas tree. I also think about the many things I never got see, like the Citadelle Laferiere, Jakmel, Gonayiv, and other parts of Haiti. I think about the country’s beauties as well as its misfortunes. Lastly, I think about its godforsaken poverty every single day.
Of course when I lived there, I hated more things about Haiti than I loved. I hated the sudden blackouts when I was trying to read. Although now I’m thinking about how much I loved making shadow puppets in the dark and listening to those jokes and stories I would always give my full attention to. They were so fascinating back then! If it weren’t for the darkness, those wonderful things that I remember so clearly about my childhood would not have existed. If it weren’t for the darkness, those strange thoughts that still haunt me here at night, which I think make me stronger today, would not be part of my story. I owe a lot to that darkness.
I still have flashbacks of when I used to lie in the dark thinking about a different life. A better life. A more exciting life! Don’t get me wrong, I had everything I needed as a child. I attended a great school. I had countless dolls I would misplace. Some were decapitated by my misbehaved, spoiled little brother. I had tons of books to read. I had an after-school tutor, and household help. But I could not stand it. I felt imprisoned, suffocated, glued down. I was always curious about life elsewhere…
One of the best days of my childhood was the day I discovered the box of books in an attic-like space in my house. I used to climb up there and stay there for hours and read romance novels while I was covered with dust and spider webs. I used to hide them because at that time, I was too young to read these kinds of books. I learned about kissing, falling in love and other things I have never experienced before. I paid close attention to the different lifestyles, and the way the characters behaved and interacted in the novels. Then I began to act like them. I demanded coffee. I put on a bathrobe when I got out of bed pretending it was chilly although it’s always intensely hot where I lived in Haiti. I had a bedside lamp which I would turn on to do my readings just like those characters even though the electricity was out 80% of the time. I became a daydreamer. I used to escape in my books. I used to get yelled at because of them. Hell, I got beaten because of them. I was in a trance, and nobody could get me out.
Now here I am, living in New York City. Living in a wonderful studio apartment on my own. Speaking fluent English. Wearing fluffy bathrobe because it actually gets chilly. I graduated college with a BA in economics and French literature. I have an amazing boyfriend whom I love very much, and a very supportive family. I take everyday as a new adventure, and I learn something from it as well. I can’t wait to meet more people. To see more. To feel more. To taste more. And to love more.
This blog is about my life in New York City, and some memories from the past.
I will post about everything I love about this city no matter how strange. The smells, the people, the landscape. My favorite bars, intersections, attractions, buildings. My adventures, and misadventures. I also started a photo project, Jump File Project where I (and sometimes, a friend or two) jump around different landmarks and popular spots in NYC. Click on the link at the header to find out more. I’ve immersed myself in Haitian activities in New York, where I often post about events and people of interest. I also initiated Ansanm Nou Se Ayiti, a creative project and movement. You’ll hear more about that soon. Ann vanse pou Ayiti. [Updated March 4, 2013]
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Duval, Haiti
you know beautiful. i think you could be a writer as well. you’ve developed this interesting poetic realist style and i like it.
Dear Paola,
Thank you very much for what you wrote about your homeland. It will encourage me to search more about its history, people, culture… There is an episode in the history of Poland, which is considered to be tragic, which took place in your country. Should you be interested, I will write you about it.
First, I came across your presentation on ‘modelmayhem’, pity that only that few photos available there, you’re such an amazing beauty! From there, I came here.
I hope you’ll read this message, and you’ll write me back, it will make me happy.
Good luck in all you do, beautiful Haitian! Keep going, keep well, take care.
With kindest regards from Warsaw, Poland,
Wladyslaw Rokicinski
Hey Paola,
How can I contact you? You haven’t been on MM in quite a while.
Do you have an email address?
Thanks!
Robert, the guy who drew you once
Hey Paola,
My friend sent me the link to your blog because she knew I would appreciate it. Let me tell you – I definitely do. I share your story, but in reverse. I am from New York City, specifically Jamaica, Queens and I am currently working in Leogane, Haiti. It’s almost as if we swapped places! I graduated from college in May and I arrived in Haiti in August to start my internship with the Children’s Nutrition Program of Haiti. I would love to get in touch with you. You are experiencing NYC in a way I haven’t had a chance to because when I was younger I couldn’t go out an explore because of my age. I dreamed of becoming familiar with the nightlife and other experiences that make NYC so amazing when I got older. I started to do so a bit in my late teens during my high school years and planned to build on that. Now, I’m in Haiti, so I will have to wait a bit to do that fully.
My blog is http://www.nouvellehaitienne.blogspot.com and you can contact me at choumika.simonis@gmail.com. I hope to here anything from you soon!
Best,
Choumika.
Dear Paola,
Your story…I cried..not because its sad..its a very beautiful story..but very, very similar to mine except I lived in Uganda and moved to Ireland..Like you, i had servants, went to a great school and I read Lady Chatterley’s Lover out of my Granny’s Library when I was just 11..I also used to hide while I read these books..even though I had all this, I felt trapped and suffocated and I always knew I would go on to do bigger things with so many different people..just like you, I day dreamed, all the time..I dreamed of when I would be out of there but now that I am out of there, there is nothing I cherish more than the 80% of the times we were in darkness and made up silly games, or the food, culture and vendors on the street. I feel like God led me to your blog..you are my inspiration from now on..I hope you see and reply to this. Tina x ps..
Your story is awesome because it brings back memories of my childhood back home in haiti
I love Haiti and i miss it so much
simply beautiful, im happy for u, my name is Paola too, and very happy to say that
Thank you Paola. It’s always nice to meet another Paola!
Hi there,
Reading this was like reading a novel. I visualized all that you said, about being in Haiti, the black-outs, reading your books. It was very eloquently put. I enjoyed it and felt like I had finished a great book at the end. You are a beautiful girl as well!! I love your natural hair! I’m currently going natural. I just followed your blog.
Blessings to you!
Thank you so much for reading and your sweet comments! It’s fantastic that you’re thinking of going natural. Kenbe la.
Hey!
It’s Maribeth from Amour Creole – I’d like to use that photo of you and Esther – is that cool? I’ll give you a photo credit too! Let me know darlin – thank ya!
Hey Maribeth, that should be fine!
Love your blog, would lov to keep in contact with you
check out my blog 
H, Paolai: I nominated you for the Wonderful Team Member Readership Award.
Cheers!
Carla
http://www.fitgirltraining.wordpress.com
I found you on another site. It’s always good to meet other Haitians with similar style as me. Love it. God Bless.
Hey Faica!
Thanks for the kind words. I always enjoy reading comments from other Haitians like me!
Kenbe la.
OMG are you paola Mathe…from Notre dame du rosaire.c’est moi Myrlande vaillant.Je t’ai chacher plusieurs fois sur facebook toi ton petit frere alain et meme ta manman et je ne t’ai jamais rencontre until now.i was so suprise to see the picture of someone that looks like you until i saw the name.send me an email to let me know if you found the message…myrlove86@hotmail.com
I love your blog, and you are gorgeous! Hair, make-up, style, all on point.
Thank beautiful! Just went to your blog, and you just inspired me to get box braids again!
Thanks and yes you should! very convenient for the winter.